Saving Han Jumin
by moonlit reveries
Summary: Any ending of Han Jumin's route is bound to be a bad ending in the first place, not matter how good it may seem. It was doomed to fail from the start. In the twilight of their marriage, Jumin and his wife dies an untimely death. She finds herself back in time where it all started. To prevent that fate. To stop his death. To not fall in love with her. To save Han Jumin.
1. Prologue

_**Title:**__** Saving Han Jumin**_

_**Summary:**__** Han Jumin is murdered. His wife dies shortly after. But, she is given a second chance to the wrong and undo his death. A price must be paid. It does not matter as long as she saves Han Jumin.**_

_**Rating: **__**T (except for one M-rated chapter )**_

_**Author's Notes: **__Past events are italicized and narrated in third person past tense. Present events are narrated by the MC and told in present tense. Lengthy author's notes are at the end. Please follow or review if you are enjoying the story. Let's begin._

* * *

_**Saving Han Jumin: The Prologue**_

_Han Jumin is dead. Not just dead but murdered._

His body was found in his car, stabbed to death. His driver was also dead. No witnesses. No hard evidence. Just rumors. And I, Jumin's wife of 33 years, am the only suspect without an alibi. I admit our marriage has been rocky in the past decade. But, I suppose any marriage with the Hans is bound to be in trouble in the first place. I am surprised we even made it this far. It has always been complicated. There were no other men or women involved in it, unlike what the tabloids and blogs say. Jumin is just complicated. He always had been. His emotional threads had been too tangled. It was something I can never fix.

Nevertheless, _I loved him_. That much is certain.

As I watch his casket being lowered into his final rest, I force back tears and suppress my emotions. He always told me to keep a straight face in the public eye. But, I suppose I could not cry now, even if I wanted. I spent the last five days doing that. And besides, the general public would not believe my true feelings after all. I carefully observe the pallbearers lowering the coffin. My chest heaves as I try to ignore that pain forming behind my eyes. As they bow three times, I look away in a hope to dull the pain.

I notice Luciel trying to catch my attention. It is not often to see him in a formal suit with his hair well-groomed. His eyes behind yellow-framed glasses tells me that he needs to see me after the ceremony. I figure he might just want to cheer me up.

"I've got the evidence and I know who did it," it was unusual for Luciel to speak in such a dry tone.

"Please elaborate, Seven," I reply. I have always been told by my husband to be straight-to-the-point.

"Do you remember a Glam and a Sarah Choi?" Luciel always liked giving out information piece by piece. Not that it bothered me, but it oftentimes annoyed Jumin.

"Yes, I could never forget things like that. I own to them for bringing me and Jumin together."

"I am on my way to tell the police. My informant said that Glam fled the country. However, Sarah is yet to be found." Luciel gives me a soft pat on the head. He always did look after my best interest. I want to cry and hug him for everything he has done. But, Jumin does not want that. And Luciel also knows that.

"How are George and Charlotte doing?" he asks instead.

"Charlotte's not handling it well. But, life needs to go on. And George, well, Jumin knew that he would be ready to handle the role of being the next chairman of C&R."

"That's good to hear then," Luciel forces a smile. "Well, I better go see how Yoosung's holding up."

We bow to each other and wave goodbye. A couple people line up to pay their respects. Formalities like these are such a bother. I want to go home and cry myself to sleep. But, it was part of the entire package of being married to an important person like Han Jumin. I did not just marry him, but his entire business as well. I did not like it at first, but I have come to understand these things through time.

I arrive home late in the evening in the penthouse. Charlotte had to go back to university the following day. George needs to prepare for work tomorrow since C&R can no longer run by itself. The penthouse is empty, not that it is unusual. Jumin had often been on business trips. So, I have gotten use to the echoing silence. Maybe, it is a good idea to get another cat.

Jumin was devastated when Elizabeth the 3rd died of old age. It took a long time before I was able to convince him to get another cat. But then, of course, Marie Antoinette succumbed to illness of old age as well. I knew then Jumin's heart was far too broken to get another cat.

_I am sure we do not have a cat and there are no such things as ghosts._

_But, I am also sure that there is something or someone in the kitchen._

People usual dial 112 on their phones for times like this. But, Jumin instructed me to have Luciel's number on speed dial after his own, of course. The phone is ringing but Luciel is not picking up. I tiptoe towards the door. I feel a gun pointing at me. I do not need to turn around to see who the intruder is.

"I see that time has not been kind to that face of yours," I mock. I turn around and see a woman with pink hair. Not really pink. I know it had been once a deep shade of magenta but age had been a factor for the loss of its color. "How is, what is it called again, Sugar Hound?" Hostility gets me nowhere. Not that I care. Perhaps it will be easier this way.

"This should have been my place," her voice shatters with rage. "I could have loved him better than you did."

"You only wanted his money," I state.

"Don't be a fool and tell me you wanted none of it," she replies, "everyone wants money. But, I would have been a better wife than you."

"You would not have been able to fix him. No one can."

"Enough of this crap. You think you're some brilliant scientist that knows the secret to Han Jumin? Because of you and your stupid RFA friends, Glam and I went downhill from then. I just came here to pay my dues."

_Things happen so fast._ Like Han Jumin asking a girl he only knew a few days to marry him. Or maybe Luciel reconciling with his brother and losing him after a few months. Even finding out Rika was alive and then losing her in a week. And me dying, just five days after my husband dies.

I hear the gunshot but I never heard my body fall to the ground.

_Yes, things happen so fast._

* * *

_**Author's Notes: **After an n year hiatus, I decided to post this story for Mystic Messenger. The character of Jumin intrigued me a lot and I would like to dissect his personality more. It's quite interesting that the majority of routes he plays a cool tsundere, and then there's his route where suddenly he becomes this extreme yandere. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. There is a lot of jumping of timelines. I hope you don't get too confused._

_*I followed the traditional way Koreans write their name: Surname then given name._

_*I try to keep in mind that characters have a Korean cultural background. I apologize if there are inaccuracies or cultural misappropriations. Most of my references are k-dramas that I watched. And I am more familiar with the Japanese culture. Let us not for get that I am neither Korean nor Japanese. Expect certain cultural biases and prejudice. Of course, I can always argue that it is an alternate universe, but where's the fun in that._

_*This story comprises of 8 chapters, each representing one of the 8 emotions theorized by Robert Plutchik. The original title of this story is supposed to be "Unboxing Han Jumin". But, of course, it sounds a bit naughty for me. Perhaps that could be a title for another one. Hahaha_

_*George and Charlotte are the names of the British Royal family children. I think Jumin would have named them that way instead of giving them classic Korean names._

_*Let me know if there are typos or grammatical errors. Just message me or leave a review. Either works for me._


	2. Anticipation

_**Chapter 1: Anticipation**_

My eyes fly open. The morning sun hit face directly. I stood up from my bed. It appears that I am currently in a small apartment with just one room and a bathroom. There is a small kitchen right across my bed. I see a washing machine underneath the stove. I take two steps and open my closet. I count seven different sets of clothes all of the same size. It appears that I live alone.

I run to my bed and grab my phone. It is 7:45am. If had a job, I would be running late. I check my inbox and social media accounts. Nothing seems to be out of order. Perhaps today is a holiday. I open the calendar in my phone.

_Memories surface bit by bit._

_My husband is dead. I am dead._

But, somehow, I am awake and here 33 years before.

In an effort to make sense of everything, I grab my wallet to find my ID. I look the same as I did 33 years ago. But, my name was different. I was not Korean then. At least, I knew my name was not. But, this me now, has a very generic Korean name. Perhaps this is a counterfeit ID Seven made.

_Seven? Who was Seven again?_

I type into _geegle_ my real name. Being a wife of an important person, it has been natural for me check from time to time what people had been writing about me. Usually, the first few entries are _wokopedia_ articles, some gossip, and a couple of my research publications. Internet is loading slowly. Internet in the 2010's is really bad.

_No results found._

Not really. A couple of random _LinkedOut_ and _Faceback_ pages. But, none related to me. It looks like the me I know does not exist.

The ID looks real and the feeling of this Korean name is real. It seems that I have a clear memory of attending high school and university. I remember a family somewhere I am not close to. I suppose this is real. I check my phone again. But, there is something downloading in the upper left corner of the screen.

_Download complete. Mystic Messenger Installed._

Old memories flood in. _RFA. Kim Yoosung. Ryu Hun. Kang Jaehee. Seven. Luciel._ I cannot seem to find in my head his real name. But, I know I should know. _V._ Rika. Some many names. I need to lie down again. There is only so much information I can handle. _Han Jumin. _His name echoed in my head too many times.

"_Tailored suits are preferable, but sizing is quite annoying."_

_"You've waited quite long, haven't you, Elizabeth the 3rd?"_

Out of all the names and faces in my mind, he is the one I can place the most. I remember opening that application and meeting him there. I remember our cat- his cat? Elizabeth the 3rd. I remember being locked in his penthouse for days. That doesn't look like a good sign. But, I know the feeling of missing him. I remember him kneeling in front of me surrounded by cameras. I guess he proposed to me. I think I said yes because I remember a certain pounding in chest that told me I loved him.

But, there are a couple of few hazy memories. I am sure it did not belong to this person I am now nor the one before. A third one. I need to search deeper. She had the same name as the first one. But, she lived in a world different from mine. This third one was always lying on a bed in a hospital. She was playing a mobile game. She kept mumbling about different routes and collecting hearts.

It was only then I realize.

_This is my third life. This is my second reset._

I open _geegle_ again. This time I search for 'Han Jumin'. He is a real person. I click on his picture. An undeniable feeling of sadness and loneliness overcomes me. Tears well up in my eyes and I begin weeping uncontrollably. My first thoughts upon waking up finally made sense.

_Han Jumin is dead._ It was because of me. If he had not proposed to me that night, the Choi sisters' reputation would have been exposed in a different way. But even if it were a different night, knowing Jumin, he would have done the same method. And his fate would have been the same either way simply because he loved me. _His love for me killed him_. I do not want that to happen. I dare not repeat the previous timeline nor my previous choices.

_A prick stings my heart. _

_Han Jumin should not fall in love with me._

_But, I must protect him. He will not suffer the same fate. I know what must be done._

_I click on that icon I know too well. I am going back to play this game._

_I will save Han Jumin at all costs._

Strange as it seems, even if I first played the game more than 33 years ago, memories of the events of those 11 days seemed relatively fresh. However, this is no longer just some mobile are a bit different. I will not be able to see hearts and more importantly, I cannot just choose what I want to say from a pre-made set of dialogue. I bring out a piece of paper. I write down the names of the members of the RFA. Hopefully, I am in a casual or deep story route. I do not know if I can handle 'the another story' route.

_...Hello…?_

_Can you see this?_

I make a sigh of relief. Not 'the another story'. I continue to chat as I jot down important pointers and red flags in each route. I also put counters beside the member names when I think I receive their hearts. Unless I have the chat schedule memorized, I will have no way of knowing whether I am in a casual story or deep story until I am in the fourth day. I laugh. I remember that I also did this in my route with Jumin.

Getting to Rika's apartment was relatively easy. Saeran does not even need to give me the keycode to unlock the door. Of course, I have to be careful. He might think something is off and trigger the bomb at any moment. I just need to follow the basic route of the game.

If I were in the casual route, then the best route would have to be Jaehee's. I should try to get a normal ending and work under Jumin. If it were a deep route, I should definitely go for Jumin's first bad ending. It does not matter if he thinks lowly of me. At least, I can monitor his movements.

There it is again. That sharp pang of sadness. I have to replay the image of Jumin's lifeless body in my arms just to keep me on the right track. My grief and his, it is something I must undo. It needs to become a mantra: _Han Jumin must never fall in love with me. Han Jumin must never fall in love with me._ _Han Jumin must never fall in love with me. For his sake. Not for mine._

_Damn. _I am crying again. I hope Luciel is not looking at me right now.

I give my cheeks a soft slap. I need to focus. Collect the most Jaehee's hearts followed by Jumin's hearts. Replying to emails would be the least of my concern. After all, I was able to host 20 more parties after my first one. But then, I am aiming for Jaehee's normal ending. So, I should not really over do it.

Days pass much slower really when I just wait for the chatroom to open. I really do hope I get a job at C&R since apparently the version of me in this timeline is jobless. As I lie on Rika's bed, it makes me wonder why I had chosen Jumin's route in my previous life.

_Why did I choose to love Han Jumin in the first place?_

Maybe that Sarah woman was right. Maybe I did want some of his money. Maybe somewhere inside I wanted that sweet financial security. I mean, who, in their right mind, would not want that? Maybe my love for him was not that selfless, after all. Maybe do I want him to fall in love with me? I shake my head. It is not the time to be entertaining these thoughts.

I open the image of Jumin that Luciel sent earlier. It is a photo of his feeding Elizabeth. I miss them both so much. I miss Charlotte and George. I wonder how they are coping. My heart shatters again.

_How much more heartache can I possibly handle? _

_How long can I play this game without falling apart?_

I like to believe this timeline is a casual story, if that concept did exist. Otherwise, my tally would surely have gotten me into Jumin's route. I suppose being married to Jumin for 33 years made talking to him more natural. Amidst the turmoil I am experiencing, I will always find refuge in Jumin's presence.

I tried fighting against it but sometimes, I go on to group chats that only have Jumin there. Even during the rocky season of our marriage, Jumin always made sure he expressed himself. He would still tell me how ardent he was in his love for me. And he always made it a point to call me romantic names that sometimes made me cringe. But, talking to this young Jumin is refreshing. It has been so long since I spoke with him without wondering what tangled emotions are on his mind.

_It makes me miss him so much more. How I wish I could have my old Jumin back._

However, I need to keep my head in the game. This lack luster resolve will not hinder me from my end goal. I will protect Han Jumin at all costs. I will not let emotions get in the way of business. Yes, Jumin taught me that. I learned from the best, and he was my best. It should be easy for me to control mine.

Finishing Jaehee's route is fairly easy. I do not mean to brag in any sense. Years of experience have given me the upper hand. Sometimes, I think I know these people more than they know themselves. My first RFA party is done sooner than I expected it to be. Jaehee resigns from her position and she encourages me to join her business venture. I declined her proposal. I know what I came for. From this point on, all my knowledge from playing the game are useless.

No red flags or save points. Just me and Han Jumin that I need to keep from dying.

_How hard could that be?_


	3. Trust

_**Chapter 2: Trust**_

_Days like this were rare. Han Jumin was home. He watched his sleeping wife snuggle in his embrace. Her deep breaths were better than any aromatherapy for him. He tucked stray hair strands covering her face. Her eyes fluttered. He must have woken her up._

_"Good morning, my princess," He whispered in her ear. "I'll make you breakfast today."_

_"You're still in bed," she was still sleepy but Jumin knew she a bit flustered with his remark. She buried her face in his chest and continued. "Won't you be late for work?"_

_"I intend to accompany you today. I want to see what you usually do when I leave for work."_

_"Did something happen at the office? You promised to tell me about these things..."_

_She was a sharp one. Jumin had come to understand that his wife could read him completely. She looked into Jumin's eyes. She got up and crawled to him. With her eyes wide open and her head tilted, she tried to read whatever was written on his face. God, she was cute. He muttered to himself. He really did not have regrets in marrying this woman._

_"Yesterday, while having lunch with Mr. Bai, our head accountant, he called on the phone his wife and asked how she was doing. That's when I realized that I knew what you were doing, but I never knew how you were doing."_

_"I am fine," she giggled, "of course, there are days when it's not really that fine. But, I know when I go home I get to be with you. So, everything was indeed fine in the end."_

_"I need to know these 'not-so-fine' things," his tone was sweet but demanding, "That's why I want to know how you do things every day."_

_"Well, if you're really that curious," she mused. She stood up and changed clothes. She swore that Jumin was holding his breath the entire time. "I don't see any issues with it. But, not much is happening at work today, so-_

_He was quick like a cat in his movements. Jumin wrapped his arms from behind her and inhaled the scent of her hair. Who knew that beneath that cold and calculating exterior was a little boy looking for warmth?_

_"What would I be if I hadn't marry you?" Jumin heaved heavily in her ear. It was a rhetorical question. But, sometimes she liked to answer those questions just to tease him._

_"Well, for starters, you would probably marry Elizabeth the 3rd," she poked her cheek with her index finger. "Or you would probably marry your job."_

_"Probably," Jumin wondered. He was not one to think about things that cannot happen. "I think if my father really wanted me to get married, I suppose I would have married a business-oriented person. But, definitely not the likes of Glam Choi."_

_She giggled again. She did not have to say that she found Jumin cute. He knew her that well._

_"Hmmmm," he continued, "I know I don't want to think about it, but, if we did not meet, where would you be?"_

_"Let's see," she pondered. She always poked her own cheeks whenever she was deep in thought. "I would probably had married someone from work. But, I am glad I met you instead."_

_Sometimes, she wondered if Jumin was a descendant of the snow queen. She could always feel a chill in the wind whenever something bothered him. That morning she was sure she woke up in spring. Even without glancing at her husband, she could see his forehead crease and feel his nostrils flare. He need not even speak to confirm the sudden change in his mood. But, he was Han Jumin. She told him to always speak his mind._

_"From now on, you should stop going to work and stay with me all the time, if possible."_

_Being married to Han Jumin was difficult. Sometimes, there is a limit on how much one can understand him. It was funny how sometimes times the flapping wings of a butterfly in spring could become a cold blizzard in winter._

_"I'll be going out for awhile," her tone was flat and distant. "I prefer not to be accompanied."_

* * *

"I trust that you took note of all the pointers in the orientation for new employees," Mr. Han says without bothering to look up from signing contracts and memos. Even in my mind, I try and practice referring to him as Mr. Han. I never know when I might slip. When you are used to calling someone the same way for 33 years, it can be quite a feat.

"Yes," I bow with utmost respect. "I even asked Ms. Kang to give me special pointers since she worked with you the most. I may not be as skilled and talented as her, but what I lack in that aspect I will surely make up for my diligence and hard work."

"I hope you do," his focus on his work makes it easy for me to observe him. In all the years I have been married to this man, never have I seen him working in this office. I suppose I get to explore this different side of him.

"Mr. Han," I know I am not to disturb him while he is reading some contracts. "Do you need anything else before I leave?

He tilts his head to glance at me. There is a short pause before he decides to speak. "None, but I do want to know how your meeting with my father went."

This timeline is a bit strange though. Different compared to the one I came from. During the employees' orientation, the rumor of Chairman Han dating Glam Choi surfaced. I was expecting Sarah to show up after sometime. However, she still hasn't up to this day. I wish I could remember what happened in Luciel's route. It's really difficult when I'm trying to recall something two lifetimes ago.

"I hope Chairman Han has discussed with you his wish of you being married soon," the pain of Jumin having another woman is real. But, I am coping well considering Chairman Han repeatedly described the ideal wife for his son. Clearly, I had not met the requirements.

Jumin, I mean, Mr. Han is clearly not amused with his father meddling with his personal life. I know too well that he is too annoyed to come up with something civil to say.

"I have here a list of candidates who your father thinks are suitable partners," I just continue. "Would you prefer to run down the list yourself? Or would you prefer that I sent a copy that I have already shortlisted?"

"Yes, please do,"

What kind of answer was that? I would have pointed it out but simply by the way his shoulders slump, I can tell that he is upset right now. Normally, I would ask him to tell me what he is feeling. But, it is not part of my job description right now. I need to find the person that would do that for him.

"Very well, I will make sure to send you the list before you leave the office," he looks at me with those knowing eyes. I suppose one can call it telepathy, but when you're married to a man for 33 years, one is bound to read his thoughts accurately. I can even make him tell me what was bothering him out of his own free will. But, I can't. I won't. I shouldn't. I am strong. I can do this.

"Well, if there is nothing else, Mr. Han, I will take my leave."

I bow and walk towards the door. He calls my name. My korean name, of course.

"While you are sorting this list, please keep in mind that if I am to marry, I will marry out of, so to speak, love."

"I will… keep that into consideration."

* * *

_"Zen, it's me."_

_The night was getting late. She did not have plans to pick-up Jumin's calls or answer his messages. She was at work, alone in her office. She just needed someone to talk to that wasn't her husband._

_"Hey, 'sup," it was Jaehee. "Zen's in the shower right now. Do you want me to call him?"_

_"No, it's okay," Jumin's affection could sometimes be really suffocating. "I just want to talk to someone. Jumin and I got into a fight."_

_"What happened?" was all Jaehee could say._

_"We were just talking but somehow things escalated quickly. He told me that I should stop working and just stay with him…"_

_"What happened?!" Zen's voice echoed. The shower could be heard being turned off._

_"They got into a fight," Jaehee covered the mouthpiece of the phone. But, the conversation between her and Zen could was still completely audible._

_Zen rushed towards the phone._

_"Oh my God, Zen, you're dripping wet! At least dry yourself off and put on some clothes!" Jaehee seemed to have lost all her composure. There were a couple of static sounds on the phone and a lot of screaming from Jaehee about Zen being indecent._

_"Mr. Trustfund kid's being a jerk again?" Zen finally said after the weird commotion. "You guys should still talk it out. He may be a jerk, but I know for certain that he loves you. He's probably asking Seven to monitor you right now."_

_"I know, but sometimes I get tired. Jumin's love can be overwhelming at times."_

_"It's okay to be tired even if it's with the one you love. Jaehee tells me she's exasperated with me all the time. Right, babe?" Zen hands the phone to Jaehee._

_Jaehee sighed, "Zen's right. You should probably talk even if it's through chat. You understand him. I'm sure he'll understand you as w- Mr. Han is calling me."_

_"Please don't tell him where I am."_

_"Anyway, I'm sure Mr. Han knows what he did wrong. If not, Zen would definitely give him a long lecture about it."_

_"Thanks, Jaehee. Tell Zen to not be too harsh on him."_

_Communication is the key, right? People always said that. Especially in Jumin's case, since he spent all his life locking up his emotions. It was really important to talk to him and help him sort the mess together. After all, that was the beauty of relationships. Figuring out each other and become better people in the process._

_Jumin had been calling his wife the entire day. He knew he messed up and he messed up pretty bad. It frustrated him that sometimes no amount of wooing or gifts could possibly persuade her into reconciling with him at the moment. Then again, it was what he wanted and needed in a woman. But right then, she needed to pick-up her damn phone._

_"Hello Jumin?" her voice was tender. Had she been crying?_

_"Finally, you picked up. I know I said a lot of wrong things. I just want to talk."_

_"I want to talk too. I understand that you cannot imagine me being with another. It hurts me too to think about not being the one for you. But, I am here. I am your wife. I married you. I chose you."_

_"I am glad that you understand my feelings. I feel bad for treating you that way. I know you like what you do and I should not stop you. In fact, I should support you. You're research work is incredible and groundbreaking. Sometimes, it just makes me wonder what you saw in me."_

_"Don't be so harsh on yourself. I sometimes wonder what you saw in me too."_

_"Zen told me to give you some space. It's alright if you don't want to see me right now."_

_"Thank you for understanding how I feel... I love you, Jumin."_

_"I love you too. Just call me if you need anything."_

_Most of fights between couples arise from misunderstandings. Those were what the magazines said. It had been usual for Jumin Han to read those relationship magazines catered to women. He hoped he would have a better understanding of being in one. His wife often told him those things were inaccurate. Only experience could teach you. The heart has to experience these things in order to learn. She would always say. She always did understand a lot of things. Coming from her profession, it was expected of her._

_Staying overnight at the office was also expected of her job. It was understandable for Jumin that she sometimes spend the night there. So, maybe it was also understandable for him to wait for his wife. But, she needed space. Jumin had to stay out of her sight._

_Nevertheless, it was still a surprise for her to see him sleeping on a bench outside her building… overnight._

_"You should have told me you were waiting outside!" She exclaimed._

_"But, that would defeat the purpose of giving you space." Jumin rubbed his eyes. He made a mental note to thank his tailor for such warm fitting clothes._

_"You could have at least stayed in the car."_

_"I would have waited there. But, I might not see you if you went out."_

_When people remember memories, what do they recall most? Those little details that made that moment special? Like how blue his lips were that morning? Or how swollen and red her eyes were the entire night? Was it the shape of the moon or color of the sky that told which season it was? Perhaps it was the way the birds sang that fateful day? The hugs? The kisses? Probably._

_But, then again. They both felt tired and sleepy that morning. And yet, there was no trace of anger or frustration. The heart remembered that cherished moment clearly. There was an undeniable sense of security. That certain fulfillment of understanding._

_Yes, that's right. The heart remembers feelings the most._

* * *

A/n: Zen X Jaehee, anyone? heehee.


	4. Grief

_**Chapter 3: Grief**_

"Might I remind you that we are convincing a client to invest in the cat wine project," his voice echoes frustration. "We are not just stating laboratory results and submitting it to a research journal."

"I apologize, Mr. Han," I bow in remorse. "I thought the best way to motivate clients was to show them data. And let the facts speak for themselves."

"Your english is impeccable but your way of writing is too technical," Mr. Han pinches the bridge of his nose. "In the next draft, please eliminate all those chemical terms. I know they are safe but it could give the wrong message."

"I understand, Mr. Han," is what I just said.

"Also, when talking to clients during business meetings, please do not poke your cheek with your forefinger. It looks unprofessional and distracting. Especially when talking to me."

Mr. Han cuts me before I can speak. I do not have to be his wife to know that he was displeased with my performance.

"Do not raise your eyebrow when I am pointing out your mistakes. It is rude and again, clearly unprofessional and distracting."

"Is there anything else that Mr. Han would like to bring up in my habits that he finds unprofessional and, so to speak, distracting?" I am pissed and tired. The work Mr. Han gives to his assistant is demanding. He never gives praise nor considers the physical well-being of his assistant. I feel sorry for Jaehee putting up with this workaholic Jumin.

He pauses, "there are no more as of this moment. I'll inform you again. If there are, I will call for you. These things are better said personally rather than through a memo."

"I understand your point clearly. If there are no more, then I take my leave." I bow again and leave his office.

I suppose being used to being showered with Jumin's overwhelming affection makes it difficult for me to respond to this side of him. Of course, I need to keep in mind that the affectionate Jumin I knew does not exist in this timeline.

Aside from my original timeline, Jumin would always be just his logical self. He would reach out his hands to help a friend, much as he would like to admit. But overall, he would have a cool and rational demeanor. His reaction earlier just proves that I am doing my job well in keeping him safe.

My phone rings. It's Mr. Han. He probably forgot to tell me something earlier. I hope it is not another lecture on how to sort documents.

"Hello, Mr. Han," I reply. "Is there anything else you need?"

"I want to make sure that you were able to take note of all of what I said earlier."

"Yes, I am writing it all down right now," I take out my pen and brace myself. I think this will be a full-blown lecture.

"My father has been putting a lot of pressure on me lately. He keeps on telling me to get married. I am not sure if starting projects will make him stop worrying about me so much. I called because I want you to know why I suddenly started these many projects."

"You don't have to give me a reason to do these things, Mr. Han. It's my job after all," Is this how I should respond?

"I thought so too, but you seem to be a very logical person and you like a reason behind all things."

"I am glad that Mr. Han sees me that way. I think Chairman Han just wants to see his son happy. I suppose talking about the matter with him will help settle things."

"You poked your cheek again, didn't you?" He replies. _Seriously, what is this guy's problem?_

"I apologize. I do not think that it would matter given that you cannot see me over the phone."

"Please do not get used to that habit. On second thought, please only do that when you are in my office... or not. It is very distracting." Han Jumin is not making sense.

"I don't understand now what you are saying. Please elaborate," I say in confusion. I suppose I should not write that one down. In fact, I am very confused about this Jumin right now.

"What I want to say is…" he pauses. I can tell is fidgeting fingers with his pen. He sighs. "You're voice has always been soothing. Listening always seems to calm my nerves."

If there is such a thing as muscle memory, I guess there is also a thing as vocal memory. You say things without thinking about them. It is like autopilot, I guess, but with words.

"You always tell me that-" I let the entire sentence slip before realising the gravity of my mistake. I need a quick response to undo this action. "What I meant to say is... I am glad that at least in this aspect, I can be of assistance to you."

Hang up immediately and pray that he did not put much thought into it.

* * *

_For Jumin, the greatest proof of love between husband and wife are their children. Though his father had been with countless women, it was only with his mother that his father acknowledge the child. Jumin knew that his father loved his mother simply because he loved Jumin unconditionally. So, Jumin understood that having a child with his wife would show his unfathomable love for her._

_Then, why did they rush to the emergency room in the middle of the night with her and his unborn child in critical condition?_

_Did he not try everyday and every way to show her how much she meant to him?_

_Why? Why did they lose their firstborn child?_

_Jumin's heart pounded so fast it felt like his chest was going to explode. Thoughts in his mind flashed continuously it felt like his head was going to implode. Pacing back and forth did not help. He wanted to talk to his wife but she had been unconscious since the operation. Did she not drink enough vitamins? Did they not follow the doctor's instructions to the dot? _

_Where did he go wrong?_

_Why did it have to happen to them?_

_Pain. But, it was a different kind of pain. It could not be dulled by alcohol nor sleep. It was pain that had only questions and no answers. Pain that only deepened the more one talked about it. Was it anger? Was it hate? If anything, he wanted to show how much he loved her more. She was in that same pain as well. That same deep unrelenting pain._

_But, Jumin knew her pain was much deeper. Something he hoped but could never understand. He always told her he wanted a child. She knew it was what he always needed. He gave her the world. And yet, here they were. She could not even give him this._

"_I'm sorry," no amount of words could rewrite what happened. Those words echoed even in her dreams. _

"_The doctors said we can try again after a few years," he would console her._

"_What if it happens again? What if I cannot give you children?"_

"_I would still love you and we would still have each other. I know the pain will not go away. But, I am here, also in pain. And we will go through this together."_

_She smiled weakly. It was the first time he had seen her smile in weeks. He kissed her forehead as he held her tightly in his arms. The pain would never go away. One just gets used to it. There were times when one barely notices that pain. But then, there would always be those times when this pain hits hard and unexpectedly._

_Jumin never liked nor understood this type of pain. But, he knew that everyone had gone through this sort of experience. If there was anything he was able to grasp, it was that he did not want just anyone to share with this pain. This feeling was meant to be experienced with someone that he held in his heart deeply._

_And that someone was her._


	5. Disapproval

_**Chapter 4: Disapproval**_

"Let me introduce you to the only lady in my life," Mr. Han is really excited this morning. He always talks about Elizabeth the 3rd if he does not talk about his business projects. This is the first time that I get to meet her in this timeline. I suppose I have earned Mr. Han's trust enough to let me get to know her.

"Elizabeth the 3rd," he says while laying her on top of his table. "This is my assistant."

As soon as she curls up on his table, he turns to me. "I am sure that you are informed that a part of your job is taking care of Elizabeth the 3rd when I am away. That is why you need to be well-acquainted with her mood. She is very picky with people whom she interacts with."

"Yes, Jaehee, I mean, Ms. Kang told me," I say as I watch Jumin's white bundle of joy purr. "I hope Ms. Elizabeth the 3rd finds me agreeable."

The phone of Mr. Han rings. "Just a moment," he signals, "let me take this call first."

Elizabeth has this certain fascination with moving things, like all cats. I suppose. Whenever I wave my pinky finger in front of her nose, she will try to catch it and nibble my finger. She will eventually roll on her belly and wag her furry tail. And if she is in a really good mood, much like she is now, she will purr.

"What did you just do?" Jumin's voice is filled with shock.

"Sorry," I immediately move my finger away from Elizabeth's nose. She follows my hand and jumps off the desk. I instinctively catch her. She stays in my arms and reaches for the strands of hair on my face. _Damn cat_. Stop being so familiar with me. This is suppose to be the first time we met.

Mr. Han frowns. He does not like Elizabeth the 3rd being too familiar with other people. I place her back on top of the desk. But, she stretches a paw telling me that she wants to be carried. This is not good at all. I ignore her meowing and wait for what Mr. Han has to say. But, he remains quiet as he stares at me with his eyebrows furrowed. It had been difficult to read Mr. Han's thoughts these past few days. I take it as a sign that this timeline is already diverging from my past life.

"Chairman Han has reminded you again to go on a date with one of the candidates he listed," I bring out the list that I made a few weeks ago. There aren't many candidates that passed my standards. I am glad to have found one that was very similar to my background in the previous timeline. I need Jumin to start dating. The Sarah Choi event might be just around the corner.

"Here are three women that I think you will find amicable," I present him with their curriculum vitae. "Once you have chosen, please inform me so that I can schedule a date for both of you to meet. There is no need to worry about the venue or activity. Everything will be planned out to your liking."

When Jumin is deep in thought, he will not care about anything or what anyone will say. And when he does speak, it just means that he has arrived at a conclusion or he is satisfied about what he thought about. That is why I know he did not hear a word I just said.

"You should make tea," he says a-matter-of-factly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"This is a bag of fresh ceylon tea leaves from Sri Lanka," he explains. "Please brew a cup of tea for me."

"Very well," I do not care if I am raising an eyebrow. But, I had always known Jumin to be like this when he is in a good mood. But really, work is starting to pile up.

"On second thought, just brew the tea here. The humidity might have an effect on the leaves when you go outside the office. And I want to make sure you brew it correctly."

I have been brewing tea for this man for 33 years. I do not need someone to make sure I am doing it correctly. Moreover, it's just brewing tea. It's not like I need a doctor's degree for something like this. Deep breaths. I am his assistant. This is my job. Focus. Calm down.

"Do it again," his tone is flat. But, I feel a hint of amusement. Was he teasing me? The Jumin I knew never forced me in a situation like this. He smirks. I swear it is the first time I see him with that expression.

"There is something missing," he seems to be amused and lost in his thoughts. He frowns. "We have to change your uniform. You should get one of those old european styled dresses. The one with ribbons and laces. I am thinking purple or blue. Maybe both."

"Mr. Han, please," I did not care anymore what he plans with my uniform. "Please pick one of those ladies by the end of the day."

He sighs in resignation, "would you hate me less if I went on with a date with one of these women?"

The good thing is he thinks I hate him. The bad thing is I seem to have unlocked a route where Jumin enjoys teasing me. Not that it was strange considering his sadistic tendencies. But, I have never seen it anywhere outside the bedroom. And I do hope this teasing never escalates into more. I have to keep reminding myself that I am reserving his heart for someone else. It has to be them that unboxes his emotions and not me. Sometimes, I think it is unfair that it will never be me who will unravel this Jumin Han.

_Stop. Thoughts cannot go there. I already had my shot. And I failed it big time._

As I expected, Mr. Han chose a girl who I'd like to believe is the parallel version of myself. We are so similar that, at first, it feels like was looking at my own résumé. Of course, there are minor discrepancies in the names of the paper we published. But, the idea is there. I have this mixed feeling of excitement and dread as I plan for their date.

_A shot of pain sears my heart._

_Jumin and I had never gone on a date. _

Despite being married to the man for 33 years, never had we go on once to an actual date per se. He would often take calls during our meals together. We would go on vacation trips but he always brought work. We even go on balls and galas, but again it had always been work related. One can expect these types of shortcomings when one is married to Han Jumin. But, I understand. I always did. Perhaps I had my own shortcomings as well.

Everything was different then compared to now. Because that's how parallel universes work. There are things I can never experience because the Jumin in this timeline does not belong to me in the first place. There is a person set aside for him, and they will be the one who experiences these things with Jumin.

The only thing I can do is to arrange things according to Jumin's liking. I reserve the restaurant where Jumin likes his steak. I also asked them to serve his favorite wine. I even invited his favorite violinist. I know he won't say it, but Mr. Han would be pleased with these arrangements. I am pretty proud of myself. I was sure of what have done.

_So really, what went wrong with that date?_

Mr. Han arrives in the office the morning after the scheduled date. He was apparently really serious about changing my issued uniform and added tea brewing in his office at exactly 10am as part of my job. He usually talks about what Elizabeth had for breakfast, but this morning he was quiet. It meant he was not in a good mood.

"Mr. Han, there is no obligation for you to answer," I say to break the heavy silence. "But, I do wish to know how your date went last night. I hope I can get feedback about the ambience, food, and of those sort, to make the experience better next time."

"The wine was exquisite. The steak was cooked to perfection. Music was soothing. In fact, it was perfect except..." he pauses. Pinpointing details had always been Mr. Han's expertise. "Everything was perfect except for the person."

Disappointment is clearly written on my face. "Why do you say so?" I reply.

"She was pleasant but she did not seem interested in me one bit," Jumin may say it a-matter-of-factly. But, I sense that he was a bit upset about last night.

"Were you disappointed?" I say. There is that involuntary response in me that had to help point-out feelings he was experiencing. I give myself a mental facepalm for not being able to kick this habit.

"I suppose, it is 'disappointment'," he remarks.

"Surely, you talked about some things," I analyze what made him say that.

"Well, I discussed our projects and told her about Elizabeth the 3rd," he then takes a sip from his cup of tea.

I slam my palm into my forehead. I realize that if I had not met him through RFA, he would come of as a self-centered obnoxious jerk who is obsessed with his cat. _Not boyfriend material. _Who said anything about Jumin being boyfriend material?

"That is not what you talk about on a first date," I clench my teeth and rub temples. I feel paperwork piling up by the second.

"Are you implying this is a field of your expertise?" there was a sudden change in the tone of his voice. Did he just cheer up?

"No," I answer. I don't even remember if I dated anyone else before Jumin. "But, do think I am more knowledgeable than you in this subject."

"Then, teach me," he smirks. I just can't get use to that. My cheeks warm up. _God, please give me my old Jumin back._

"Very well," I try to keep a calm composure. I adjust the ribbon on my dress. "I will write down a couple of pointers and leave it on your desk by the end of this week."

"What I mean is, as your employer, I am giving you the task of going on a simulated date with me."

"That is not part of my job description," I keep my voice monotone. This is not how a planned it. He was supposed to be head-over-heels with that girl. He is not supposed to mock me, tease me, nor force me to go to his so-called simulated date.

"Surely, I will not be able to find a date for me, then."

_Is he blackmailing me? _This Han Jumin is so frustrating. I am 33 years his senior. He shouldn't mess with me. I swear. The only thing that lets me tolerate this version of him is that I loved in his previous life. I'll make this selfish brat pay one of these days. But, I can't do anything. He's the boss. I am an employee. I sigh as if to resign to my fate.

"Fine. But, I want to make sure I get paid overtime."


	6. Surprise

_**Chapter 5:**_ _**Surprise**_

"I cannot have a so-called date with you if you are wearing your office clothes. I would think that we are still in the office and working," he says like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Technically, Mr. Han, I am still working," I reply. "You will pay me overtime."

Mr. Han had been particularly fixated on my attire for our simulated date. He spent a good 10 minutes talking to himself, me having no say, to decide what would be proper dress. When he won his internal debate, he made some calls and the following day presented to me this victorian dress. It was a deep shade of purple with more lace and volume than my usual uniform. I even have a matching lace choker and paper fan to complete my get-up.

I roll my eyes and just observe my surroundings. After all, it is supposedly my first time to enter his apartment. The apartment was the same as I had pictured it in my memories. The aquarium in the same spot with the same fake corals and rocks. There were a couple of other species of fish. But, then again, it is possible that my memory serves me wrong. There's that shelf containing his collection of books. I made a mental note to check if he already bought the Urban dictionary in this timeline.

Jumin hands me a piece of paper that contains meals that the chef can prepare. Horderves, antipasti, main course, side dishes, dishes, and probably a lot more. I scan the list to see if there was anything I particularly liked. It was then it occurred to me. I cannot choose anything.

After my marriage with Jumin, I never really had a chance to pick something that I like. It had always been Jumin picking food or picking clothes… or picking anything, for that matter, for me. He always had this habit of choosing things by himself without consulting me. Unless it was something that I hated particularly, Jumin's choice was also my choice.

So now, being asked what I wanted from this seemingly infinite set of choices is causing my brain to overload. I have this desire to pick what I like. Yet, years of living under Jumin's care had rendered me incapable of making small decisions. I do not want this Jumin to notice my insecurity. I mention a couple of things on the menu in the hope that he would provide suggestions.

"The truffle risotto must be delicious. However, I don't think the weather today would be good for eating risotto. The sukiyaki sounds nice also. I wonder if it would be okay even if I had Jjamppong earlier. Paella's nice but I don't know if we can finish the entire serving. Maybe I could have beef bourguignon-

"Just pick whatever you like," Mr. Han does not seem to notice that I am having a hard time choosing.

"I don't really know," I hide my face behind the menu. I'm really disappointed with myself. I don't want to miss this chance to pick something I really like. "What would you recommend, Mr. Han?"

"It sounds like you want a warm and hearty dish," he sounds confident about his choice. "Might I suggest a goulash."

"Yes, I would actually like that, a dish between soup and stew. I'll take it," I feel embarrassed about letting someone else other than my old Jumin to pick things for me.

"Would you like an escargot to go with that?" He asks.

"I don't know if I'm in the mood for snails today," I pondered. "I would actually prefer the prosciutto and melon right now."

"Normally, I would scold you for poking your cheeks again," he seems to be in a really good mood today. "But, I'd let it slip since I do want you to be in a good mood since you'll be teaching me today."

I feel proud of myself for being able to pick that dish. However, I am now flustered. I have this really weird fondness with this timeline's Jumin. He is more controlled and relaxed compared to my Jumin. But, somehow still has those quirks that my old Jumin has. He is the same, and yet somehow different.

"You seem familiar with a lot of cuisines," he notes.

I would not have realized that unless Jumin pointed it out. But, now that he said it, it is indeed strange for a twenty-something secretary to know all of these things.

"I read a lot of cookbooks," it is a terrible excuse but at least it was plausible.

"So, you must cook a lot then."

"I said I read a lot of cookbooks. I didn't say I cook." I opened a paper fan I was holding and made a soft chuckled. I know Mr. Han was aiming to criticize my cooking skills. But, it had backfired. "Anyway, this is good, Mr. Han. A man must be sensitive to what his date is saying. And he must always ask questions about her."

I bring out the list of pointers I made and wrote a small check on that topic. "Continue, Mr. Han."

Mr. Han stands up and pulls a small magazine out of the bookshelf. It was an old issue of _Casmopolitan_ magazine. I saw that he made bookmarks on certain pages and he flips to one of them.

"I also made some research on my own," he said proudly.

"Mr. Han," I try to stifle a chuckle. "Those things are as accurate as horoscopes. I think it is unwise to rely on that magazine to find your future wife."

But, he was too focused on finding something he highlighted on that page. He then looks at me with his own version of his eureka and says, "Ask your date what type of music they like."

"Mr. Han," it is now my turn to give a lecture. "If that magazine were effective, then singleness would only be a matter of choice."

"Very well," he seems easily convinced. "Let me have a look at your pointers."

I hand him the piece of paper I am holding. He then begins reading aloud.

"Pointer #1: Never hesitate to give the lady compliments. However, honesty is key."

He looks at me with a penetrating gaze. I swear I feel my chest tighten a bit. Damn this tight corset. It makes it hard to breath. I tilt my head and try to respond to that gaze. Hopefully, he is the one that gives up first.

"You really have big round eyes considering you're asian. Are sure you're pure korean? You're voice is not high-pitched but it has a nice, soothing tone I can listen to all day."

Really? For 33 years Jumin has been complimenting, I think I should have gotten used to it. I feel so moved and but nervous somehow.

"You're doing good, Mr. Han," I still had enough sense to do my job. "Eye contact is good. Continue."

"I think that's enough compliments. What is the next pointer?" He avoids my sight and reads the next point. I cover lips with the fan and laugh. I win, Mr. Han. You cannot intimidate me today.

Dinner went surprisingly well. Mr. Han is very attentive and receptive of the pointers that I gave him. He is unexpectedly pleasant and well-mannered. Even compared to when we were married. He is leading the conversation but not dominating. I am honestly enjoying this. My real first day with Han Jumin. Too bad it wasn't actually real.

"So, I said to the tailor, " he says to finish the joke. "Why not make me also a pajama suit while you're at it?"

I make a hearty laugh. It had been so long since I was able to relax like this. Usually, I just spend my night sleeping, during chores, or binge-watch some series on _netflux, _if I am not working. In my laughter, I accidentally knocked my dessert fork.

Jumin stands up and opens a couple of cupboards and drawers. I laugh. Typical Jumin not knowing where the silverware are in his own house. I stand up and reach for the bottom most drawer to the left of the stove. I pick one and notice a table espresso pot in the same drawer.

"Jumin, do you want me to make coffee as well?" I say absent-mindedly.

_It was then I only realize the mistake I had done._

* * *

_Marriage implies sex._

_There is no sugarcoating the idea._

_Cliche as it seems, there is nothing more that could connect to people closer together. No matter what those liberalists think. That is what Jumin believed, of course. He understood that sex was something reserved for that one person you devote your heart to. It was an intimate act. The deep exchange of kisses. The hot electric touch of skin. The sensual union of that intense climax. Those experiences should never be shared with just anyone._

_When Jumin did the act with her, he expected that he had reached that apex of pleasure. He thought that sweet and tender lovemaking was the ultimate thing he wanted between him and his wife. The more they had done it, the more he realized something was missing._

_Why did it fall short of perfection?_

_This unmistakable imperfection, of course, bothered Jumin. It was natural to fix those inadequacies. He wanted the best for his wife. He had to make sure that she experienced nirvana to its fullest. She needed to surrender herself fully to him. He needed complete control. She had to agree with him. After all, he was only looking after her best interest._

"_In this bedroom, you will obey everything I say. Stand when I say 'stand'. Sit when I say 'sit'. Kneel when I say 'kneel'. You can only climax only if I allow you to. Severe punishment awaits you if you disobey. Do I make myself clear?"_

_His wife nodded as Jumin gagged her with a ball. He praised her for looking ravishing in the cat outfit he bought for her. He cuffed her hands and bound her feet to the bedpost. He pulled out one of the many egg-shaped toys he had bought for her from their special box of toys. He had the entire night planned for her._

_Now, one has to understand Jumin did a lot of research. These activities were not something Jumin thinks of at the top of his head. In his study of new way of lovemaking, he found that his particular method had a lot of terminologies, methodologies and even contracts. As a businessman, not only was he familiar with words but also enjoyed dealing with them. He was more than eager to apply what he learned with his wife._

_Nothing delighted Jumin more than his wife understanding everything about him. She always did understand him. He had never doubted that fact in his mind. He knew that what he did had her best interests in mind. She never questioned him because she trusted him. Even outside the bedroom, she had always put her unshakable faith in him._

_Of course, that is what Jumin told himself._

_In this seemingly unshakable understanding, cracks had begun to show._

_The fault was theirs and not theirs at the same time._

_After all, love was never enough in the first place. Nobody wanted to admit that the marriage was failing anyway. He always thought that he did what was best for her without asking her. And she said she understood even if sometimes she did not. He loved her. She loved him. Wasn't that not enough?_

_How was it possible for such a marriage to fail? _

_But then again, the falling apart did not happen overnight. Their love was like a dimly lit candle slowly dying in a chilly autumn evening. It was like a dying tree gradually losing all its leaves. Things like that were bound to be eroded with time. Perhaps, they had seen it coming. Maybe, they knew all along._

_Nevertheless, Jumin and his wife were not temperamental teenagers that relied on feelings for love. Loving someone was a firm resolve to stay with them no matter the circumstance. It was an unwavering declaration to journey the turbulent sea of life with them. It was an unyielding decision to hold on even if that loving feeling was already gone. Yes, love was an uncompromising choice._

_Was it anyone's fault if they loved too much and too little at the same time?_


End file.
